Lace details on jean shorts, sneaky DIY leg alteration

Summer is upon me and my fellow south-germans, and I can tell because we get 1 clear, sunny day per week midst a blanket of wet, cloudy weather with a hint of thunderstorms. Add this to an average of 90% humidity, and the traditional wind-less atmosphere of the valley in which Baden-Wurttemburg sits, surrounded by a thick, dense forest. Every morning I bike to work in sunshine, sometimes for the second day in a row, which brings me a glimmer of hope. Will we have sun and warmth all this week? Could it be? Consistent sunshine? Only to return home sticky and stuffy 9 hours later, dreams of non-bipolar weather crushed. During the day I gaze out of my office window staring longingly into the tiny patch of blue sky that moves further and further towards Switzerland, bringing a familiar and inevitable haze of disappointment among me, and leaving me to the black and white water color painting that I live in. Those sunny Swiss bastards. Ah, summer.

One thing that is okay about this weather is that its definitely not cold anymore, which is why I start to sweat just looking at all the O-burg civilians still dressed in wool coats and scarves. Even though the hot weather is not consistent, it still exists, and though i never now when, because god forbid the forecast be accurate, I still decided to be prepared, and this meant shorts shopping.

My weight really tends to fluctuate and yet, along with my purse strings, my patience does not. I have shopping for pants, and shorts, because the only places I can really shop around here are giant chain stores like H&M that make clothing for mannequins, and children. I'm not going to gripe about their sizes too much, dresses and shirts I never really have much problems with, it's just pants, but it doesn't help that bottom fashion seem to not have any flexibility in structure. So while their sizes might range from a 00 to a 14, they still only fit one body type in each size.

My problem? The part of my thighs just under my ass are wider than my hips, and then the rest of my thighs below the thickest part are slimmer. What the fuck, nature.

Whenever I shop for pants I either get a giant gaping slack fabric above my ass that I could use as a basket for groceries or I get the 'sausage link' effect on my thighs, where they are so tight that they either A: make my leg look like a tube of toothpaste with an elastic band around it or B: ride up into my crotch and under my buttcheeks, never to be seen again.

I always have to take dress pants to tailors to get them altered, and I know that regular shorts just don't fit me properly so I first thought of finding some old mom jeans at the thrift store and cutting them into shorts. Perfect right? High waisted is in, they'd be 'vintage' or whatever, totally cute. Pinterest had me so damn confident, it looked so simple, so I ventured off to the second hand store on my lunch break.

How in the fuck did adult women find jeans that fit before stretch denim was invented, oh my fucking god.

 So LITERALLY 19 pairs of jeans later, I give up, I'm discouraged. Maybe it's because of the selection in my one trusty second hand store, and maybe I could have found some in Value Village back home, but for now I'm discouraged, and I look at the 'easy mom-jean DIY' pin with anger and dispair.

When it got hot again and I was stuck with pants, I started looking for other options for shorts, again on Pinterest. Like a boyfriend I think has changed, I keep going back to you Pinterest. While I was skimming pinterest for DIY projects I stumbled across the lace-detail technique, where you rip the seam on the size of the shorts and extend the width of the leg, covering the cut with lace. It was so simple, how could I not have thought that? This time I'm wary, I have to leave this up to my own imagination so I can make it work this time, because GOD it's hot.

I go to H&M, find some cheap shorts that fit around my ass and are cutting off the circulation in my legs, perfect. I grin wildly at my un-proportioned legs, suffocating in these jokes of size 10's, you think you're so fucking perfect don't you shorts, it's my fault that I can't fit in you isn't it? I should be discouraged and hit the gym more shouldn't I? WELL NOT TODAY.

After that I go to Karstadt (German version of Hudson's Bay Company) to find some lace. So I go to the giant fabric selection looking for sheets of lace or crochet type things, can't find any. I ask the lady if there are any sheets of lace or lace-type things, of course there aren't any, because that's the only thing I actually need and there are 7000 types of fabric in this section. There's even sheets of fucking latex. Are you kidding me Karstadt? So I leave with a seam ripper and some white thread which I needed also, and head to the thrift store. My husband thinks I won't find any lace there, no, but I know for a fact I'll find old doilies and tableclothy things that could work. He's skeptical, but I assure him that there is some kind of unwritten rule that a thrift store can't open unless it has a surplus of doilies. When we get there, I'm right. I stock up on doilies.

Step By Step

The specimen

The cut. I actually had a pair of skinny jeans on and put the jeans on while I was wearing them to judge the cut, so that regardless of if I made a mistake or not there'd be extra wiggle room. I cut these a few times before I settled on a 16 cm extension. The cut itself is not that wide, but when I put the shorts on with the cut made, the amount the bottom points of the triangle stretch equals to about 16 inches, which is how far apart each ends of the lace should be to fit comfortable. 

The details. Butterfly doily is the cutest and most efficient. I am going to be sewing this bitch by hand so it won't look perfect, so having a perfect triangle of fabric will end up looking messier when the inevitable happens.

Pin the lace over the cut as desired.

Closer look. Then start sewing.

At the one hour mark I am naturally, interrupted by a cat, cue break time.

The finished result. I added more lace to the front of the shorts because it looked a little weird with it just on the sides, and I added a bit of another doily on the hip. Also, now I want a sewing machine more than ever. This whole think took about 4 hours to complete, and now I have leather fingertips.

I can't believe how well it turned out, actually. The shorts are really comfy now and they sit on my legs where I like them to sit. Added tip: When doing this, having shorts that were pre-rolled helped a lot. When I ripped the seam I actually only sewed the fold on the front, and ironed the fold on the back and left it alone. That way, the back of the shorts actually stretch lower than the front, so they don't ride up and disappear.